Tech Humor

[MechEng]

this is a technology setting/with a Jamaican style so i hope it counts as a tech humor..lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xab_eH9ONZM

[Phrass]

lol MechE a whey u find this..it madd

[icymint3]

mi nu know how yu find this... but it hard still. mi haffi find more The Real McCoy

[jamerican]

LoL this mad....................

[MechEng]

this is kind of long, but i thought it was pretty funny.

This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the Customer care department.



This is the actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer
Support Employee (now I know why they record these conversations):

cut short because joke was not funny

mi tired to see this lame joke...

plus no more double posting tstewart47... put all your not so funny jokes in one post please

thanks for your patience and understanding

[Arch_Angel]

plus no more double posting tstewart47... put all your not so funny jokes in one post please

In this case it is allowed. It helps to break up a very long post.

[icymint3]

A Guide to Grading Exams, so now you don't have to wonder about those spurious exam grades.

[NOKIA 3650]

#include <nonsense.h>
#include <lies.h>
#include <spyware.h> /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include <process.h> /* For the court of law */

#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship   another_beta_version

void main()
{
  if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
  {
    if (there_are_still_bugs)
      market(bugfix);
    if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
      raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
  }
  while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
  {
    make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
    lie.h */
    if (rumours_grow_wilder)
      make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
    if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
    {
      market_time=ripe;
      say("It will be ready in one month");
      order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
      order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
      order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
      vapourware=TRUE;
      break;
     }
  }
  switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
  {
     case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
       say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
       break;
    case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
       say("Yes it will work");
       ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
       pretend(there_is_no_problem);
       break;
     case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
       say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
       " the 32 bits architecture");
       inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
       inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
       "'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");
       inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
       get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM); break;
     case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
       say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
       everyone");
       register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
       when(time_is_ripe) {
          arrest(journalist);
          brainwash(journalist);
          when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree) {
            order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
            release (journalist);
          }
       }
       break;
   }
   while (vapourware)
   {
     introduction_date++; /* Delay */
     if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
       break;
     say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
  }
  release(beta_version)
  while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
  {
    bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
    release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
    introduce(more_memory_requirements);
    if (customers_report_installation_problems)
    {
      say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
      if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
      { ignore(customer); order(microsoft_intelligence_agency,
      "Keep an eye on this bastard");
      }
    }
    if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years )
    {
      divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
      wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
      marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
      devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
      if (boobies_start_to_hang)
 dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
    }
    if (there_is_another_company)
    {
      steal(their_ideas);
      accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
      hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
      wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
      buy_out(other_company);
    }
  }
  /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at
     us */
  order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
  buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
  laugh_at(everyone,
for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version); }


void bugfix(void)
{
  charge (a_lot_of_money)
  if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
    say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
  if (still_complaints)
  {
    ignore(customer);
    register(customer, big_Bill_book);
    /* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
  }
}


//source code plagiarised from http://www.huumor.com/joke_1108 

[hv_thugg]

what happens is that the jokes too long so when the joky part do come the mind is tired lol

[NOKIA 3650]

Hv_thugg, if you are refering to post 48, the whole post is the actual joke itself. It is really aimed at us serious programmers (who obsess about the C++ language). Unfortunately, it would not be understood by non-programmers (it actually tells a story).