Tech Humor

[MechEng]

Please note: keep the joke punchlines tech-related. The mere mention of technology or person(s) affiliated with technology does not make it a tech-related joke and will be removed.

I hope this one meets the requirements Chris

The Programmer and the Frog

A young man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The young man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the young man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The young man said, "Look, I'm a software engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

A Letter from a Software Professional!

Dear Ms. ABC,

Baby, I 'v seen you yesterday while surfing on local train platform and realised that you are the only site I was browsing for. For long time, I 'v been lonely, trying to find a bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now.

My life is just an uncompiled program without you which never produces a executable code and hence is useless. Your smile is so delightful which encourages me and gives power to me equal to thousands of mainframes processing power. When you looked at me last evening, I felt like all my program modules are running smoothly and giving expected results. /* which I never experienced before */.

With this letter, I just want to convey you that, if we linked together, I'll provide you all objects & libraries necessary for human being to live a error free life. Also don't bother about the firewall which may be created by our parents as I've strong hacking capabilities by which I'll ultimately break their security passwords and make them agree for our marriage.

I anticipate that nobody is already logged in to your database so that my connect script will fail. And its all certain that if this happened to me, I will crash my system beyond recovery. Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all privileges of your inbox.

Only yours,

XYZ

Computer Terminology

ISDN - It Still Does Nothing
APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM - I Blame Microsoft
WWW - World Wide Wait
PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Math
NT - Network Tragedy
DNS - Does Nothing Special
WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

[slickrik]

I think this is pretty funny.

lol dis mad...jah know.

[grim386]

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

[MhadbwoY]

http://bash.org/?top

pure mirc quote hilarity

That page had me locked for about an Hour+

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

MHAD MHAD MHAD!!


The mhaddest one of all was

http://www.ie7.com

[grim386]

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long

weekend to thaw out from winter. They planned to stay at the same

hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before. Because

both had jobs, they found it difficult to coordinate their travel

schedules, so it was decided that the husband would fly to Florida

on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day.

Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. In

his room there was a computer, so he decided to send his wife an

e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left out one

letter in her address, and sent the e-mail, without realizing his

error.

In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral.

The dearly departed had been a minister who was called home to

glory following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail,

expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the

first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the

floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Arrived

You're probably surprised to hear from me. They have computers here

now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've

just arrived and checked in. I see that everything has been

prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you

then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P. S. Sure is hot down here!

[MhadbwoY]

MHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAD!!!!!! Dat one TUFF grim sold:

[MechEng]

This is a true tech humour... i hope the mods don't fight mi out on this one

a member and his posting jokes........check link

http://www.techjamaica.com/forums/sh...&postcount=235

[NOKIA 3650]

MechEng, I felt offended by that one.
I felt mis-represented.

[MechEng]

MechEng, I felt offended by that one.
I felt mis-represented.

lolol.......wat u a talk about by offended???? please explain...? cause mi really confuse

[AnthrAx]

DWL Mech how u love that post suh lol, even tho me want sum a d nerd catty dem also lol, ah boy that post mad, Tech jamaica shirt dem cost too much money lol, me a buy a white T and mark TechJamaica pan it lol and in fine print,

"not to be confused with the site TechJamaica"