Tech Humor

[Phrass]

i've decided to start a tech related humor thread..
Post techie humor here.. i'll start.. KEEP IT TECH RELATED!!

An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language. He noted how hurricanes at one time were given only female names, and how ships and planes were usually referred to as &quotshe." One of the students raised her hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?"
The teacher wasn't certain. So he divided the class into two groups: males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendations.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to as masculine because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time, they ARE the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to as feminine because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

[akoo]

This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message every time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his user name and password in capital letters.
Tech Support: "OK, let's try once more, but use lower case letters." Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard." A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine.

[Fortis4Eva]

Bill Gates in Purgatory
Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"
Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?"

God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision."

"Fine, but where should I go first?"

God said, "I'm going to leave that up to you."

Bill said, "OK, then, let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell. It wasa beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God, "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!"

"Fine," said God and off they went. Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision.

"Hmm, I think I prefer Hell" he told God.

"Fine," retorted God, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.

"How's everything going, Bill?" God asked.

Bill responded - his voice full of anguish and disappointment, "This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can't believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?"

God says, "That was the screen saver, or was it the Beta Version??!!

[gangstanerd]

[Bl@ze]

http://www.msfirefox.com/

http://www.ie7.com

[Kiheiji]

http://bash.org/?top

pure mirc quote hilarity

[Chris]

Please note: keep the joke punchlines tech-related. The mere mention of technology or person(s) affiliated with technology does not make it a tech-related joke and will be removed.

[Phrass]

Our Morning Prayer . . .

Our Hard Drive
Which art internal Volume C by name;

Thy code be clean,

Thy fonts be seen

On screen as they are on paper.

Give us this day our documents,

And lead us not into fragmentation

But deliver us our data.

For thine is the SCSI,

And the EISA, and the NuBus,

Forever and Ever,

Amen.

[CyberCat]

Bl@ze:

the first link nah work.

[grim386]

Customer support telephone lines are notoriously bad at giving the wrong information to helpless computer users. However the users themselves can be just as useless....
Operating System Mayhem...

* Tech Support: "Ok, what happens when you turn on your computer?"
* Customer: "Boy, are you listening? I said it doesn't work."
* Tech Support: "Well, what happens when you TRY to turn it on?"
* Customer: "Look, I'm not a computer person. Talk regular English, not this computer talk, ok?"
* Tech Support: "Ok, let's assume your computer is turned off, and you just sat down in front of it, and want to use it. What do you do?"
* Customer: "Don't talk like I'm stupid, boy. I turn it on."
* Tech Support: "And then what happens?"
* Customer: "What do you mean?"
* Tech Support: "Does anything appear on your monitor? I mean, the TV part."
* Customer: "The same thing I saw last time I tried."
* Tech Support: "And that is what?"
* Customer: "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
* Tech Support: "Yes, sir. What is on your screen?"
* Customer: "A bunch of little pictures."
* Tech Support: "Ok, in the upper left corner, do you see 'My Computer'."
* Customer: "No, all I see is that little red circle thing with the chunk out of it."
* Tech Support: "You mean an apple?"
* Customer: "I guess it kind of looks like an apple."

* Customer: "How much do Windows cost?"
* Tech Support: "Windows costs about $100."
* Customer: "Oh, that's kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?"

* Tech Support: "May I ask what operating system you are running today?"
* Customer: "A computer."