Pure Pwnage
Pure Pwnage is an internet video series by ROFLMAO Productions featuring a Canadian pro gamer named Jeremy. The internet video series follows the exploits of Jeremy and his friends. The episodes center around pro gaming and "pwning noobs"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pure_Pwnage
http://www.purepwnage.com/
Quotes from series:
Dave:
Actually, my name is Dawei, but the white barbarians call me Dave.
[in Chinese, Mandarin] Taking you *****es to school! Back to grade 1, grade 1! [doing the signature Pure Pwnage spanking move ith the help of a SNES controller to a noob gamer he just beaten].
He lost to a noob... Yeah man, you don't want to go in there.
Doug:
So yeah I like FPSes. Uh, what can I say? There's nothing like the rush of huntin' people down and killin' 'em! I mean my heart's beating-- my heart's beating! My hand's just shakin'-- my hand's just shakin'! But I'm still shootin'! [now screaming] 'N' I'm still gettin' headshots. It's like boom! headshot. Boom! headshot. Boom! headshot!
You know my dad owns a gun shop but you know he doesn't like to admit it, but I think it makes him real nervous when I work there 'cause, uh, anytime I get a gun in my hand it just automatically points to somebody's head.
Sometimes I think maybe I wanna join the army. I mean it's basically like FPS except better graphics, but what happens if I get lag out there? I'm dead! I mean, I even heard there's no respawn points in RL.
Have you read this?! You have to face 7 opponents to qualify? Can I face them all at once? I mean, it'd be easier!
Jeremy:
Y'know I get up in the morning sometimes y'know. I get like all like ph-- phil-- osophically on [it] y'know. You just gotta wonder. Like y'know there's so many n00bs in the world right, and like you know like how many have I owned?
I pwn n00bs.
Y'know sometimes people ask me y'know like "What's your religion and stuff?" And I'm like "y' know it's like RTS." Uh, and they're like, "What's that?" And I'm like, "Y'know it's kinda like, kinda like Buddhism."
Guess what I'm saying is that like... EA sucks my balls... Think that's like what I'm saying, pretty much... Like I got this one ball here, E- E sucks this ball here, and then the A- the A sucks my other ball here, and so the E and the A are just sucking both my balls.
You can like take a noob to like water, but you can't like make a noob drink y'know.
The sun Kyle... it burns... y'know. It's like... kinda like the lava in like Metroid, y'know?
So, she's like, "Go to school and stuff," and I'm like [snicker], "I school people all day long y'know," like-- so I tell her like, "I'll take her to school," if she wants to go to school so bad. And she doesn't think that's funny... Then she adds a week or whatever onto whatever and stuff..."
Some people they like get up, and go to work and stuff, right? But that's not very stressful right, they just go to a job... Like y'know I gotta get up and make sure, ya'know that I'm still number one, right?
Like you can train, like, a noob, but he'll just be like a trained noob, like he won't really be like a pro like me, and he might do okay against like other noobs, and stuff, but if you want to be like uber pro like me, then you gotta kinda like have something different, it's in your head, in your eyes and stuff...
teh_masterer:
Have you forgotten that I beat both Gary Kasparov and Deep Blue with nothing more than a row of pawns and a single bishop?
What you have come to realize is that, even when one is pro, under certain circumstances one can be, a noob.
What you must realize is that a true pwner pwns all games. If one wants to truly pwn, one must own in all games.
If you eat like a noob, you will be owned like a noob...NOW PICK UP THE CONTROLLER! [within a pastiche thereupon "Kill Bill Vol. 2"]
There is a way, always, to pwn.
The four games that Teh_Masterer is playing simultaneously in Episode 4 are (in order from top-left to bottom-right): The Legend of Zelda, GoldenEye 007, Super Mario Bros., and Super Metroid. He beats the level he was playing in each game simultaneously.
In Episode 4, when Teh_Masterer is playing 4 games at once, he has only 5 energy tanks, 5 missiles, 5 super missiles, and 5 power bombs in Super Metroid. While possible, it would be extremely difficult to pull off.
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