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Thread: real jamaican tech jokes to share?

  1. #1
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    Default real jamaican tech jokes to share?

    does anyone have any tech-related jokes that are from your own experiences .. or from stories relayed by co-workers/friends/families.

    i have a small one that sticks out in my head and causes me to chuckle every time i remember it. it was 1995, and at first job as a trainee at a bank ... i was learning the desk of older lady (prob in her late 50s, early 60s) and in what she was showing me, there was a step in the process where we were to go to the 'SCREAM' and get the balance on the account that we were investigating.

    i had no idea what this 'scream' was, so i waited to see what she was talking bout. turns out the 'scream' was actually the computer 'SCREEN'. i had to walk away to have a good laugh ... didnt even bother to try to correct her .. their are some things you should prob just leave 'as is', especially when the person seems stuck in their ways and convinced that their knowledge or way is always right! she continued to say SCREAM for the next week that i worked with her. she retired a year later :

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    Default Re:real jamaican tech jokes to share?

    Well...I't doesnt have a computer in it but this guys was definately thinking:

    A 500 lb gorilla escaped from the city zoo. Residents were urged to report any sightings of the big harmless fella.
    It so happens that the gorilla turned up in a animal activist's tree, to say the least, he was thrilled!!!
    He called : "Hello, the missing gorilla is in my backyard, please send over someone to recapture it".
    A few minutes later, van drives up, a lil man jumps out and asks the activist to aid him in recapturing the gorilla.
    "Sure, as long as you promise he doesn't get hurt"
    Well, the van guy gets his tools out, a long stick, a pair of handcuffs, a shotgun, and a lil Chihuahua dog on a leash.
    "What the..." thinks the activist.
    "I'll explain very shortly" says the vanman as they head around to the gorilla.
    "Now, you must do exactly as I say...or we will be in trouble"...
    "I'm gonna climb up the tree with the stick and poke the gorilla"
    "When he falls, the lil dog will dash toward the gorilla and bite at it's aww...crotch"...
    "The gorilla will then place it's hands over his precious jewels in an attemp to ward of the pestering dog, then all u do is put the handcuffs on him"..."Very simple eh?"
    "Sure!!" says the activist "But whats with the shotgun??"
    "Oh..that... If for some reason I fall outa that tree before the gorilla,....... shoot the mutt!"

    Now,....tell me that guy aint a techie?

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    Default Re:real jamaican tech jokes to share?

    I'm not sure if you'd consider this a joke but:

    Back in 1996, there was a manager who called my office complaining that her computer doesn't work properly. I asked her to describe her problem clearly and she stated that everytime she erased something on her screen, it came back. Needless to say, I was confused. So I decided to take a visit. This is where it gets interesting.

    When I go upstairs to her office, guess what I see on her screen? Trails of liquid paper fluid (whiteout) strewn in neat blotches across the screen. It was extremely difficult to contain my laughter as at one point she threatened to have me fired by my boss since she is a manager and she knows EXACTLY what she was doing.

    She was using WordPerfect 5.1 by the way...

    ...after spending about 10 minutes using a razor to get the whiteout off her screen and showing her how to use the delete button, I had to run back down stairs I couldn't wait on the elevator. The entire office laughed about it for months. We laughed so hard and so long that the lady eventually left the organisation. For some reason, she thought we were laughing at her... ;D

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    Default Re:real jamaican tech jokes to share?

    Another event occurred where a secretary called us complaining that everytime she turned on her PC, she saw "It's now safe to turn off your PC". We asked her to reboot it several times and she kept telling us that's what she saw.

    After investigating the situation in greater detail, we discovered that she thought her monitor was her PC. So after she shut down Windows 95, she just turned off the monitor. We had to be gentle with her as she was fresh out of secretarial college at the time.

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    Default Re:real jamaican tech jokes to share?

    bwoy... i thought I had had the worst case.. but Xeno.. dah one deh WICKED... white out?? ;D ;D ;D ;D

    Anyway.. here's mine.

    I'm teching in one of the labs when a tutor comes into the office and asks me to come help this lady out. So I go over to her and she's BLAZING! "Mi sopen mi money fi cum a unuh .... school and dis unuh gimme?" "wha kinda computer unuh have.. it not even a work" ... etc etc etc...

    So... i calmly take a look at the machine, tell her.. ok i'm gonna fix it now... step around her TURN IT ON and whisper to her that it wasn't turned on to spare embarassing her in front of the packed class..

    As I'm leaving it becomes obvious that she didn't hear what I whispered and starts again "Wha kinda service yuh call dat!!!??" "yuh come out here and jus mek up yuh face and den walk roun like yuh know whe yuh a duh an see... it still nah work.." "wha kinda lab tech you be? " and goin on... I turn.. snicker because by know it passed post and is about to play the usual windows logon ...

    "brrrrrring" .. she turns mouth agape to see the machine up and running... the class of course laughed her to scorn... me?? well I just had to make sure to advise het to turn on the macchine next time ;D

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    Default Re:real jamaican tech jokes to share?

    serves her right...trying to put down a techie!!!!

    Here at my job we get a lotta "mysterious" reports about machines.
    One lady was very upset that she coouldn't start working due to her machine not working.
    She went to her supervisor and compained that IT "troubled" her machine and now it needs fixing. Needless to say when I got there, the problem was she didn't turn on her monitor.

    On another occasion, this supervisor, who knows it all, called and asked us to come and fix her Excel for her.
    When I got there, the problem was she couldn't open a previous file she was working on. When I told her that the file doesnt exist in that location anymore, she asked me to find it as she just created it the power just went, so she didn't think she had a copy anywhere. Hmmm...lets see, what was the best thing to say to her at this point?

    One guy wanted me to print a image for him at work, and handed me a floppy with the image. It had the shorcut on it, but no image. I explained to him that he would need the actual image file, but he insists he can view it on his pc at home so I should be able to. Ahh bwoy....

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    Default Re:real jamaican tech jokes to share?

    Hey Matronyx, I've had that similar problem before. There's this really hot chick in our department, a few years older than myself, who's really really bright. Has her phd and everything and she's not even 30 yet. Anyways this 4 times UWI graduate (B.Sc., M.Sc., MBA, Phd) had an assignment she wanted me to help her with.

    Get this:

    She sez she has already done all of her research as she has downloaded the entire internet to a diskette but she can't bring up the internet from her diskette when she took it to the office.

    I had to strain in order not to laugh. I must admit I kinda liked this chic differently. So it was even harder not to laugh... :-X

    So I checkout her diskette only to realise that it was full of shortcuts from her "Favourites" folder that Internet Explorer uses. She assumed that her Favourites folder had a link to every internet site on the net (which at the time were just links to search engines) and she told me that someone in her class said that if she had links to the search engines, she could get the entire internet to download. Bear in mind that at this time, we didn't even have internet access at the office.

    Somehow I think she misuderstood him... I guess she was used to using the internet at UWI labs and assumed that all computers automatically have the internet on it, or that the internet is a program. I think the latter is what she thought.... :

    The sad thing is this girl is in her mid twenties and she already possesses a Ph.D... even if her Ph.D is not in a tech related field, I'm not expecting that level of naivety regarding something so simple....

    Chris? What are they teaching those management studies people @ UWI? ??? ;D

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    Default Re:real jamaican tech jokes to share?

    wow
    someone really tried to download the internet? the WHOLE internet?


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    Default Re:real jamaican tech jokes to share?

    Heh guys, I had to laugh at this one...

    The other day, a co-worker( non-tech ) of mine called me at my ext. all hysterical, saying and I quote "Are you guys having network problems again" , I said why do you ask, She said she was trying to bring word up but it was not coming up. So i said " Are you trying to start up Microsoft Word app. on your machine as in going to Start -> Programs->Microsoft Word", she said yes. I paused for a minute, trying to calm myself down from not laughing out loud and I said but why do you assume that it had anything to do with the network. She said that we were having network problems all morning so she just assumed that it was a network issue. Believe me I wasnot able to go through any trial and error check with her so I just told her to try rebooting her PC and try again. I guess when you come across people who tries to sound convincing about something that they know nothing about, you just have to laugh... ;D

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    Default Re:real jamaican tech jokes to share?

    [quote author=Xenocrates link=board=1;threadid=1148;start=0#msg10968 date=1057766582]

    She sez she has already done all of her research as she has downloaded the entire internet to a diskette but she can't bring up the internet from her diskette when she took it to the office.

    [/quote]

    Yo Xeno... Mi a ded, mi try nuf fi laaaafff...Stop it man cause mi caan Tie having a PHD and this comment, fi real yute, good one. ;D

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